Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
