Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Still dying that you shit outside
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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