Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just pynch a tree in the face
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
