those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
