you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize