I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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