sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize