That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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