maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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