Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
