i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
