Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
