guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
