I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
