Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize