yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
