I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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