She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
