Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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