I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize