He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
