I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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