I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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