I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
are you so shy because you have an std?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
