Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
