it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
