Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize