So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
false alarm. still invincible.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
