i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
