I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There's even glitter on my cock...
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