Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
