I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
