I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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