I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
