If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
