The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
