i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
