You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you. Go after that dick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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