Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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