Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
God, I missed his penis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize