she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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