ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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