i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
