how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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