Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
