U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
