Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
