I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
