Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Drake has all the answers
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
