Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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