4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
