Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
