I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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