sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
