The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
