What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You ruined the universe
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