Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize