Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
