Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
