You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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