Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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