i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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