They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
