I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
