I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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