i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
