I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
