I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
