I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
