true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
