i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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