I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize