just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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