Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
