Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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