i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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