Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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