he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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