I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize