We're like a lot better than the average bears
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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