Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There r osticjed everywhere
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
