If that was your dad, he is hot
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
