You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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