We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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