i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
