The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
