Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
