Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
