i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i think my cat just said my name.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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