maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Someone signed my nipple.
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