It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
