remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
