dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
