well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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