i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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