never play flip cup with pint glasses
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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