Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
