Do you still have your period?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize