State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
