nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
