Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
