i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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