All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
