i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
