it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize