You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
