Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I party with great urgency now.
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