i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
